It has been a while since I have written on Anne's blog. She is so talented and creative that I hardly know where to start. I want to post some pictures and that will be determined if I have time to figure out which pictures and how to post them.
I feel like a bee in a hive going round and round each day. Life is busy and always so full with three little ones to love and care for alone. Our girls are very busy and full of life and excitement. It is frustrating at times when I need them to calm down and I have to be better with patience. I guess this will teach me to have more. I know there is no secret formula to this but practice. This constant busy flow is also such a good thing for me. It helps to keep me in a routine and not grieve too deep too long over the loss of Anne. Grief is real. I love my girls and feel a never ending desire and need to love and serve them. But I must say that it is very tiresome at times to do all the needed things in life. Such as; be mom, dad, house keeper, laundry doer, grocery and clothing shopper (I've never been one to shop and I guess christmas will break me in), work, run a business, organize finances, new puppy, and try to create for the girls like Anne did (to name a few).
It seems crazy that life just keeps moving on and is so full. Even among this busy life there is still time late at night to think about all that has and is happening over the past few months and years. I often think, wow, did that and did this really happen. Did we really experience these things and did I really go through loosing Anne. How did this all happen?
I was talking to a friend at church today and we talked about the feeling of loosing a companion and that sometimes you just zone out and feel like you have watched a crazy movie and are looking at things from the outside. It sure gives one a numb feeling.
One thing for sure is after you get into a routine, it is still all about taking one day at a time. Anne and I learned to take one day at a time with her cancer discovery and battle and this is how we found joy and happiness each day. Sometimes I just need to not worry so much about tomorrow and enjoy the today because, as I learned with Anne, no one knows how many more todays we will have.
Christmas is one of our favorite time's of the year. I need to just get through this season and try to love it for what it is and not to miss Anne too much. Because I do miss her.
Anne was such an amazing example for me of living life with joy, love and happiness among life's challenges. I know that life will have challenges and I am going to have challenges and that no one is without them. So for me I will go forward and continue to work hard and live and love each day with the blessing of being with my girls. Anne and my girls are such an example to me of happiness, joy, and light always.
The girls are all doing so good. I am amazed and many times jealous at how well they are doing. Of course they have their own moments of frustration or loss. There are still times at night during dreams that they ask for mommy. They are missing her more over the past week or so due to the christmas season. But I think that they are doing well. I attribute much of this to the fact that each day they are with someone who loves them and knows them even if I cannot be there for them due to work.
Each morning I get the girls up and get them dressed. Then I do 3 girls hair load them in the car and drop them off at my angel mothers house. She then feeds them breakfast takes the two older girls to school and my 3 year old stays the morning with grandma. At about noon my younger sister Katie, our nanny, takes them home and does a magical work with them until I get home about six. I also have a loving mother and father in-law that stays or takes them with them several times a month. Other than Anne I could not ask for more.
We always said Creagers are strong. I hope and pray I can always say we are Creager strong. We are very blessed and this house is and always will be filled with love and dreams. Anne is and always will be the woman of my and our dreams.