Yesterday was a Clint Eastwood sort of day around here. And just so you know he’s one of my least favorite actors. Please read this post with a smile--I'm really okay. I'm even laughing when I put this all together.
THE GOOD (No Clint Eastwood involved):
11:30 a.m.
A tea party, with crackers, cheese, sliced apples and hot chocolate in little tea cups. Complete and magical with two little girls in ballet tutu’s, and made up names. MaLeah was Eliza, Maiya was Katelyn, and I was Dorothy. Maiya/Katelyn later held up my Mauve prom dress whose home is now in the box of dress up in our toy room and said: “How ‘bout you wear this Mommy?” I love 2 and 4 year olds!
1:00 p.m.
A phone call from school where the caller id said: Public Schools
Me: “Hello?”
A little voice that I could tell had been crying: “Is this Anne Creager?”
“McCady?”
“Mommy, I forgot my note to get off the bus at Maggie’s house.”
“I promise I’ll bring it to school before I go to Salt Lake.”
“Okay.”
I took the note to school on my way to treatment. Her teacher met me at the door and said she was so glad I came. McCady had been so worried that I wouldn’t be home and the bus driver would make her get off the bus at an empty house. When she saw me come through the door she ran across the room—(sans shoes . . jeans rolled up . . .arms outstretched)—and hugged me in front of all her friends. I love 7 year olds!
THE BAD:
3:25 p.m.
The conversations:
Me: I’d like to see my last scan before we start.
Dr. Riley: Oh, I wanted to talk to you about that. If you look at the scan from October 20 something it shows the tumors this big. (He circles a tumor on the screen.) Then if you look here, they’re like . . . man they’re double in size! And this one over here that looked benign on all the other scans, my gosh it’s doubled in size too. Wow . . . Sorry.
Later—me lying on the table before they began.
Me: Uh . . . (thinking—don’t cry Anne. Don’t cry) Can you give me a measurement—like in centimeters?
Dr. Riley: Uh . . . (He holds up his fingers an inch apart). It was this big. (Moves his fingers to 3-4 inches apart) I’d say that’s double. Wouldn’t you? Sorry (Shrugs his shoulders).
I’m being really dumb in this post and I know it. I really like Dr. Riley. Really. I like the therapists I work with they are more than accomodating and I am grateful for the miracle of this treatment. I just don’t like this situation and I would never want to be in his position as a doctor.
Cyber Knife:
It looks so serene doesn’t it? Well, they left out the body mould, the skin tight body suit (with little lights affixed to them and if you move even the slightest inch the whole machine shuts down—and don’t even think about scratching your nose!), the towels rolled up under her rear-end to tip her up so her feet were higher than her head and all the blood in her brain made her crazy. And I ask you does she look like she’s been lying there for 2 hours and 45 minutes? Really, I’m sarcastic, and tired and a little grouchy (can you tell?) but I’m very grateful for modern medicine.
The Ugly:
1:45 p.m. to 3:20 p.m.
1-15 down to Cyber Knife
6:15 p.m. to 7:35 p.m.
I-15 home again
10 comments:
I just needed to add a couple of comments:
1st if you haven't seen The Good The Bad and The Ugly--the only thing I remember about it is that it has Clint Eastwood in it and Ward watches it if it's on TV. IT has nothing to do with Cancer, weather or anything else if I recall.
2nd When Dr. Riley told me about the size of the tumors using his fingers--he couldn't get the exact measurements because I was all hooked up and ready to go. I'm sure he'll get me exact measurements today.
Well... at least you are a witty writer :) I love you. I'm so sorry for the "bad" but I love that you still get to experience the "good" everyday. I'm not sure there is anything better than little girls in Tutu's having a tea party. And the sight of you in that tattered old prom dress is pretty great too! Love you.
You are in my prayers! Thank you so much for keeping us updated!
Oh, Anne. I don't even know what to say. I love you and I'm praying for you. Wish I could come over for a tea party. I could bring my old prom dress and we would both look SO, SO glamorous! :) I don't like the looks of that CyberKnife. It sounds like some kind of science fiction Star Trek equipment. I hope all goes well.
I just love your blog, Anne. You're such a talented, witty and articulate writer. I hope you continue to pursue that, and in the meantime you can grace us with your way with words.
Your little ones are precious and make me ache for pink, ruffles, dancing and tea parties in my home. Hopefully one day. =)
I genuinely admire your strength and always have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Anne, you are a gift.
On an occasion, regarding a situation, that might merit only horrid words-- you find some grace and wrap us all in your little joys (which when you stop to consider it, really aren't little after all, are they?) Big hugs...
Thank goodness for hot cocoa in teacups and little girls running across the room to you--Maybe Dr. Riley needs a tea party to remember he's dealing with real people. Can't wait to see you the next time you can make it. Hugs and prayers.
Anne, your family is in our prayers. I too am going to have a tea party with my girls in their ballet dresses! What a wonderful idea. It reminds me of the story "Mrs. Gigglebelly is Coming for Tea." One of my favorite books about a mother that is too busy to have a tea party with her daughter. In the end her mother, Mrs. Gigglebelly, makes time for a tea party just as the little girl expected. Good luck!
Oh how I love you and your way with words!! You are so amazing and are constanly in our entire families prayers. We love you soooo much!!
Anne - there's nothing like reading your blog to put things in perspective. the things that trouble me suddenly seem like nothing at all. i can't believe Dr. Riley wasn't more sensitive after all this is one situation where bigger is not better - did he forget what the goal is here? i wish i could make this all go away, like editing a chapter. I know the Lord has His reasons for these things I just wish they came with explanations. i love you and pray for you and your family every day - Becki
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