The Good . . . The Bad . . . And the Ugly
Yesterday was a Clint Eastwood sort of day around here. And just so you know he’s one of my least favorite actors. Please read this post with a smile--I'm really okay. I'm even laughing when I put this all together.
THE GOOD (No Clint Eastwood involved):
A tea party, with crackers, cheese, sliced apples and hot chocolate in little tea cups. Complete and magical with two little girls in ballet tutu’s, and made up names. MaLeah was Eliza, Maiya was Katelyn, and I was Dorothy. Maiya/Katelyn later held up my Mauve prom dress whose home is now in the box of dress up in our toy room and said: “How ‘bout you wear this Mommy?” I love 2 and 4 year olds!
A phone call from school where the caller id said: Public Schools
A little voice that I could tell had been crying: “Is this Anne Creager?”
“Mommy, I forgot my note to get off the bus at Maggie’s house.”
“I promise I’ll bring it to school before I go to Salt Lake.”
I took the note to school on my way to treatment. Her teacher met me at the door and said she was so glad I came. McCady had been so worried that I wouldn’t be home and the bus driver would make her get off the bus at an empty house. When she saw me come through the door she ran across the room—(sans shoes . . jeans rolled up . . .arms outstretched)—and hugged me in front of all her friends. I love 7 year olds!
Me: I’d like to see my last scan before we start.
Dr. Riley: Oh, I wanted to talk to you about that. If you look at the scan from October 20 something it shows the tumors this big. (He circles a tumor on the screen.) Then if you look here, they’re like . . . man they’re double in size! And this one over here that looked benign on all the other scans, my gosh it’s doubled in size too. Wow . . . Sorry.
Later—me lying on the table before they began.
Me: Uh . . . (thinking—don’t cry Anne. Don’t cry) Can you give me a measurement—like in centimeters?
Dr. Riley: Uh . . . (He holds up his fingers an inch apart). It was this big. (Moves his fingers to 3-4 inches apart) I’d say that’s double. Wouldn’t you? Sorry (Shrugs his shoulders).
I’m being really dumb in this post and I know it. I really like Dr. Riley. Really. I like the therapists I work with they are more than accomodating and I am grateful for the miracle of this treatment. I just don’t like this situation and I would never want to be in his position as a doctor.
It looks so serene doesn’t it? Well, they left out the body mould, the skin tight body suit (with little lights affixed to them and if you move even the slightest inch the whole machine shuts down—and don’t even think about scratching your nose!), the towels rolled up under her rear-end to tip her up so her feet were higher than her head and all the blood in her brain made her crazy. And I ask you does she look like she’s been lying there for 2 hours and 45 minutes? Really, I’m sarcastic, and tired and a little grouchy (can you tell?) but I’m very grateful for modern medicine.
1:45 p.m. to 3:20 p.m.
1-15 down to Cyber Knife
6:15 p.m. to 7:35 p.m.
I-15 home again
10 months ago