On Thursday night I really thought I would die. I’m not exaggerating. When I finished my treatment and got in the car I had one of my coughing fits and I couldn’t stop. By the time we got home (1 hr later) I was in so much pain I was in tears. When Ward got home I just couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t lie down and I couldn’t move without ripping pain. The closest thing to this kind of pain was when I fell skiing and for a week didn’t know what was wrong inside until they found that first big tumor. I didn’t know why I was having this kind of pain. The doctors had told me before, that pain wasn’t really a side effect of the radiation, but that is a load of crap! I had to take percocet to sleep and when I woke up in the morning the pain was just as bad.
There were a lot of tears that night and actually a lot of talking about what we were going to do in the future, or what Ward would do if I wasn’t around. I sat on McCady’s bed and looked at those girls and asked God why he gave them to me if I was not going to be here. It sounds really dramatic, but it was so scary.
When we went to treatment the next morning I asked to speak to Dr. Riley before I started. I told him about the pain. He just hem-hawed, and then he said he was sure we were irritating the tumor. He prescribed a steroid. Then I went in and lay on the table. I was in some pain, but then all of a sudden I fell asleep. You’re not really supposed to sleep during the treatment, but how was I supposed to stop it with Enya and Dido crooning over the speakers?
I jolted awake and felt different. I didn’t know what it was. When the treatment was over I got up and my pain was so much less. I can’t even describe how much less. No, I don’t know what happened. I just know it did. I haven’t been in too much pain since then. I think Heavenly Father really took the pain away.
I’m very grateful for that.
9 months ago