January 9, 2009

On Thursday night I really thought I would die. I’m not exaggerating. When I finished my treatment and got in the car I had one of my coughing fits and I couldn’t stop. By the time we got home (1 hr later) I was in so much pain I was in tears. When Ward got home I just couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t lie down and I couldn’t move without ripping pain. The closest thing to this kind of pain was when I fell skiing and for a week didn’t know what was wrong inside until they found that first big tumor. I didn’t know why I was having this kind of pain. The doctors had told me before, that pain wasn’t really a side effect of the radiation, but that is a load of crap! I had to take percocet to sleep and when I woke up in the morning the pain was just as bad.

There were a lot of tears that night and actually a lot of talking about what we were going to do in the future, or what Ward would do if I wasn’t around. I sat on McCady’s bed and looked at those girls and asked God why he gave them to me if I was not going to be here. It sounds really dramatic, but it was so scary.

When we went to treatment the next morning I asked to speak to Dr. Riley before I started. I told him about the pain. He just hem-hawed, and then he said he was sure we were irritating the tumor. He prescribed a steroid. Then I went in and lay on the table. I was in some pain, but then all of a sudden I fell asleep. You’re not really supposed to sleep during the treatment, but how was I supposed to stop it with Enya and Dido crooning over the speakers?
I jolted awake and felt different. I didn’t know what it was. When the treatment was over I got up and my pain was so much less. I can’t even describe how much less. No, I don’t know what happened. I just know it did. I haven’t been in too much pain since then. I think Heavenly Father really took the pain away.
I’m very grateful for that.


Josi said...

I can't make sense of this, either, I don't understand why God allows things to happen the way they do--and your situation leaves me perplexed to no end. However, I am so inspired by your faith and your love for your family and so glad you got relief. I hate your SL doctor, though, he's a putz. I only hope you're not going through this simply because the rest of us needed a lesson in faith, obedience, and enduring trials. It was great to see you yesterday--good luck. When do you go to CO?

Shelly said...

No, you are not dramatic and yes what you are going through is very SCARY. But being the amazing and strong woman you are, you just keep fighting . Although it is very hard to consider and know what will happen in the future,this I know for sure: Your girls are so very blessed to have you as their mom forever! I love you and good luck in CO!

Karla said...

Oh Anne, I love to hear what is going on but at the same time it makes me cry. Fight! Fight! You are such a wonderful example to those of us who have the privilege to be around you. Thanks for being you!