Those of you have kept up with Anne and followed her blog, I want to thank you for being a part of Anne's life as this was a strength to her to have this outlet in her life.
What is life without Anne? It is empty and there is a void that I know will be present until we get to be together again. In my life experienced I know that time alway allows to mend and heal, but my this is going to take some time.
I was writing to Anne's friend Amber and I told her that sometimes I think Anne may walk into the room or enter the door from being gone. But I know that this will not happen in this lifetime. It saddens me and I am still adjusting with the thought of her being gone.
McCady is doing good and loves school. She is really good at learning and seems to have the learning bug. She has developed a love for reading thanks to mom. She loves to read and loves to read as a family. Anne read to the girls at night, and they and she loved to have this time together. We have continued this tradition and relish our evening moments together and time for our one on one, "I love you time" for the girls that again was started by Anne." Many times I ask McCady what her favorite thing was for the day and she always says right now wile I am giving her, "I love you's." How fun that we all look forward for this bedtime ritual. This time is so bonding and soothes our souls in the loss of Anne. I think that we are forging a new kind of bond and are each other's strengths during this time of loss and healing.
MaLeah is loving school and is blooming in her new school experience. Anne and I were worried that she would have trouble if we lost Anne as MaLeah is cautious to open up and break out of her shell. But we are being blessed and she is, as I said before, blooming and it is fun to watch the new sparkle in her eye as she relates something new from school or about life. We are going to get a puppy and a few weeks ago we went to pick our out. It still needs to grow a little more. On the way home MaLeah was all a grin and said many times, "Oh I can't believe how cut the puppy is, I just want to hold him." This will be a new experience for us to have a animal but it will be good for the girls.
Maiya is always her usual ball of fun. She is finding a new exitement in having time with grandma wile the others are at schoool. Then my sister Katie comes home from Weber State each day about noon and Maiya loves to be with Katie. Katie has been such a blessing to pick up the school assignments and be there for the girls as a constant until I get home at night. Katie is a wonderful nanny. Maiya does one thing every night that lets me know that she is missing mommy. She has to come in my bed each night after a few hours of sleep and crawl in bed with me. She is so cuddly and wants to make sure she rests her head on my shoulder. This is her way of trying to fill the void.
All in all we are doing fairly well considering our great loss. We all have our moments of tears and difficulty and again we have to wait out these moments and be patient and always a new moment comes with feelings of peace and comfort. Patience is something that I feel men as a whole are not very good at and I am far from good at this but slowly the girls are teaching me this and we are learning our routine.
We are being so blessed and I know that we are having divine help in many ways. What would we do without the knowledge of a loving heavenly Father? In our house we still laugh, cry, and all the other emotions as before, but I feel like sometimes I am relearning to do the things we did before and I am having to do them alone, without my partner, for the first time in a long time.
The first two weeks after loosing Anne I felt hollow or numb and other similar feelings that I felt when I first got home after my mission. These feelings are slowly fading and I am trying to recreate a normal for me.
The sure and steady basics of prayer, scripture study, family home evening and quality family time have been a source of comfort and strength to our family. We are a forever family and I want to be sure we are growing as I know Anne is and I want us to be worthy of being with her.
I and we all love Anne so much she is a pillar of wisdom, kindness and love for us in this home. She is tenderly missed.