June 9, 2008

I wanted to write and say hello to everyone. Things have been a little rough here, but we’re doing okay and I hope we’re going to survive. Yesterday Maiya came down with a terrible flu. We kept her here over night and Ward was up all night with her. He banished me to the hospital bed and kept her with him. Her fever kept registering 105 on our ear thermometer (Which always reads low) She kept throwing up the medicine. It was a long night. This morning we sent her and MaLeah home with my mom so Ward could go to work and I could not catch it. The bad thing is I’d been kissing her and playing with her just yesterday morning. I’m a little worried.

Friday I had another blood transfusion. My cousin has these every time she has Chemo and I’m so sorry. They are my least favorite thing to do. However, this time we went to the ER and although we waited 7 hours before they started the blood they were able to rapid infuse it at it only took a couple of hours after that. They thought they were going to have to admit me to the hospital, but luckily I got to stay in my own bed. The ER doctor was a little panicked when he came back with my readings, I was apparently extremely low in all areas. I’m so glad we went to the ER because now I’m feeling a little better and I will be ready for my scan tomorrow. It’s hard to start an IV on me now because my veins are so brittle. They tried three times before they could do it on Friday. I’m not looking forward to that tomorrow.

I’ve been so weak—physically, mentally, spiritually. Sometimes I just feel so lousy I want to give up. I know I’ve finished the Biochemo, but the effects are really weighing on me. I have been so sick—I wonder if I’ll ever get well. I’m trapped here in this house if I’m not at the hospital and lots of times I just feel like this is too much. People think that because I only did 4 rounds of the Biochemo it isn’t as intense or as hard as other regimens. Our doctor told us last time we were there that they will only do 4 rounds because it’s the most aggressive type of treatment offered.

Although I feel so sick, I have so much to be grateful for. Ward is so good to me. It’s good that he has ups when I have downs. Yesterday he just held me and tried to help me feel better. He does everything. He takes care of the kids and cleans the house and does the laundry and then goes to work. I don’t know how he does it all.

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