Today we met with Dr. Gonzales. They were unable to open the scans from Utah. This has been a continual problem since we started this whole process. So, we didn't get huge news today. I have to come back on Tuesday next week. I'm going to come alone and just stay with friends. I have to have tests and scans on Wednesday and Thursday then I have appointments on Friday. The tests will determine once and for all that the mass inside my subcarinal region is Melanoma and NOT Metastatic Thyroid Cancer. It would be so much more treatable if it were Thyroid Cancer. But then things are still a mess because I still have the other mass in the right lobe of my lung. It is not Thyroid Cancer--if only it was. So no treatments yet. But I signed a 16 page agreement to participate in a clinical trial. I will only be able to participate in it if I pass two elimination tests. I am eliminated from almost every other Melanoma clinical trial available because of the Thyroid Cancer. You can't have two types of cancer to participate. Silly, huh?
Through all of this it's really easy to get frustrated. Really. But it's all about perspective. This morning it's easier to see things. I wouldn't trade this trip. I would trade the smiles, giggles and sheer joy of seeing McCady and Ward having an all out snowball fight in the parking lot of the Mormon Temple yesterday (We were the only ones there at the time). I will never forget the excitement as Maiya jumped from the side of the pool into my arms. I couldn't give up sitting in the back of the van with my arm around MaLeah telling her it would be okay that she left her little junky Happy Meal toy in the restaurant. And the giddy anticipation of Ward as he talks about going to the National Stock show on our way out of Denver this morning. I hope he loves it as much as I love seeing him look forward to it.
I feel very lucky this morning to be here to see all this. So many people with my diagnosis didn't get to have these kinds of moments. I feel grateful for a Gideon Bible in the nightstand--so I didn't have to go wake up the kids to get my own scriptures this morning. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is guiding us. He is ever caring and I am grateful for him. How blessed I am in so many many ways. Thank you for all your prayers and support. Love Anne
2 months ago